Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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