Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
