I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
