When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
