so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
