This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
