this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She told me I should be a condom model.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
