Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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