The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
