I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
