Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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