omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
