Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
