Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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