I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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