she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
