i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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