summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
