Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
