I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
