im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
