Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
