I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
