9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
