i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
