just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
