After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
