You're completely useless in the revolution.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
