The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My feet surprised me
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