I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
