i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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