Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
