Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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