I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
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Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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