i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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