Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
