I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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