Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
