Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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