I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
