How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize