in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
