Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
