I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
