New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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