We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
organizing the empties. That sober.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize