Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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