hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
