so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
