you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
