theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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