Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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