I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
