Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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