Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
