wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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