When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
