so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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