he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
there is glitter all over my balls
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