can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize