don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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