Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize