woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
