Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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