You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
