No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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