those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dicks are not precious.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
