I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My dick has a subreddit
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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