You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
