btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
