Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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