in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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