I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
