I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
