My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Fuck appropriateness.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
