He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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