I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
