After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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