we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
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Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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