I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
