my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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