she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
