If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
